Between the Lines
by em2706
Summary: Some nights, Alex has the weight of the world on his shoulders. Slash.


Alex let his fingers steal across Chris' hip, coming to rest far enough around Chris' body that they were more on his abdomen than his side, just above Chris' boxers. If he hadn't known better, Alex would have sworn Chris was wearing those boxers so low in a deliberate attempt to provoke him - and if he'd been honest with himself, he'd have been forced to admit it was working.

It had been going on for almost an hour, the pair of them torturing each other with their nearness and the things they weren't quite doing. His chest was pressed against Chris' back, and the shared body heat was making the temperature inside the bed nigh on unbearable, despite the fact that they'd only pulled a sheet up over themselves to begin with. The comforter remained pooled at their feet, a sure sign that they already knew when they got into bed that it was going to be one of those nights. For all that Alex fervently hated being too hot, the idea of pulling away from the warmth of Chris' body was one that he refused to even contemplate.

Alex rolled his hips again, and he closed his eyes in helpless pleasure when Chris languidly pushed back against him. He could feel the exposed curve of muscle at the top of Chris' ass pressing against the skin of his abdomen - very low on his abdomen, but he would have vehemently denied the suggestion that the low positioning of his boxer-briefs was an attempt at exactly the same stunt Chris was pulling on him. He was so hard that his need was maddening, his cock trapped between his own body and Chris' firm and tempting ass, and the two thin layers of fabric between them frustrated the hell out of him while somehow managing not to dampen the heat between them at all. He knew without ever having laid hands on it outside of a match or training, when these details were far from his mind, that Chris' ass was so solidly muscular that he wouldn't even need to pull Chris' cheeks apart; with just the tiniest movement, his cock would slide naturally...

Before he'd even completed the thought, Alex's lower body shifted of its own volition and his cock fell into the valley of Chris' ass. His fingers tightened as he thrust forward gently, his breath sounding ragged in his own ears, and he knew that were it not for the two pairs of underwear between them, he would have been pressing against Chris' entrance. Chris shuddered almost imperceptibly, and Alex knew exactly how he felt. He didn't know what it was like to be fucked in the ass, and he knew Chris didn't either, so they didn't really know what it was they were craving, but he'd felt the same thing on nights when their positions had been reversed; the knowledge that he could be mere seconds from having the man he loved and desired so much inside him was powerful and intoxicating, and he had no doubt that it was every bit as intense for Chris. Chris gave a low moan, and Alex couldn't imagine a more erotic sound. He felt like his sanity was fraying, and he knew he was a hair's breadth from his resolve splintering into a thousand pieces.

Alex rolled away abruptly, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and stumbling to the bathroom as fast as his erection would allow, miraculously managing not to collide with any furniture in the dark. He switched the light on and hurriedly shut the door, not daring to look at Chris before it had swung closed, and then he leant heavily against the sink and tried to force himself to calm down, blinking as his eyes adjusted.

It had been a close one. Some nights, they could simply enjoy being close to each other, but sometimes the effort it took to resist going too far was almost crippling. Alex would continue to carry that burden though - he couldn't stand the thought of what would happen if they ever gave in. It was hard, and sometimes it was agonising, but it was worth it.

From the outside, Alex supposed it would seem silly to anyone who'd seen the evolution of their relationship from friendship to something else, because they'd taken everything else on the chin, accepting the changes without railing against them. When Alex had realised he liked it a lot more when Chris lounged against him or hugged him than when any of his other friends did it, he simply took it on board and let himself enjoy it. The discovery that his feelings for Chris were shifting from platonic to romantic was more of a surprise, and was made tougher by the belief that it was one-sided - he strongly suspected that one had been a little easier for Chris, since Chris was used to introspection and facing hard truths head-on, whereas Alex was far more comfortable with denial and burying his head in the sand - but again, he took it on board and quietly worked through it. No fuss, no melodrama.

Even the day Alex considered to be the one when they officially became an item had been mundane and understated. It had become increasingly clear by then that Alex's crush on Chris was not a one way street, and for the most part Alex was content with that. Chris caring for him was more than he would ever have asked for or expected, and though he knew he still wanted more, Alex had no desire to rush it, especially since he wasn't entirely sure just how much he _did_ want. Chris was still dating casually, and although that bothered Alex a little, he wasn't about to bring it up; the burgeoning emotion between them was more than either one of them would have been comfortable acknowledging verbally.

On that particular day, Alex's life had sucked. His back hurt, he'd murdered his cellphone by accidentally dropping it in a fountain, and to top it all off, when he'd borrowed Chris' cellphone, he'd gotten into an argument with his mother. All he'd wanted to do that night was hang out at the hotel with Chris and take comfort in his company, but Chris had a date. He'd sat on his bed and sulked while Chris got ready, pretending to read some book Taz had loaned him while in fact he was far too busy wallowing in his gloom to process any of the words.

Eventually, Chris had come over and sat on the edge of his bed. "So, what's up with you?" he'd asked conversationally.

"Nothing," Alex had snapped, but Chris had persisted. Normally, Alex would have thrown himself out of the window before admitting he had a problem with Chris dating, but after the day he'd had, he was feeling a bit battered and his control wasn't quite what it should have been. "I just don't like it when you go out with girls," he'd muttered finally, and then he'd cursed himself both for his Jimmy Jacobs phrasing and for pushing for something Chris couldn't possibly want to give him.

Chris had raised an eyebrow quizzically. "Okay," he'd said in that annoyingly level, non-committal tone of his, and then he'd left. Alex had thrown Taz's book on the floor and lain back on his bed, settling down to do some hardcore scowling and kicking himself for having spoilt any flimsy chance he might ever have had. But before his one-man pity party ever got off the ground, Chris was back, bringing with him beer, pizza, ice cream, a stupefying selection of candy and _The Zombie Dead_, and had proceeded to goad Alex into breaking his diet like he was Max Buck and he'd just started menstruating.

And that was it. No excruciating conversations about their feelings, no awkward declarations or negotiating of boundaries, just _okay_. No fuss, no melodrama.

After gorging himself like the pig he was at heart, Chris had fallen asleep in Alex's bed, and when Alex had woken up during the night to find Chris pressed tightly to his back, one arm thrown possessively around his waist, he knew in his gut that they'd crossed the line into an actual relationship without ever talking about it.

Things had stayed much the same. There was no change in the way they behaved when they were at work or hanging out with the guys; not that they made an effort to specifically hide what was going on, they simply didn't feel the need to do anything differently. But now, when they were alone at the hotel or back home, there were tender touches that hadn't been there before, and unspoken affection in the smiles they directed at each other. And then there were the nights.

But they hadn't had sex, or even kissed because they knew themselves well enough to know where it would lead. The reasons were unsurprising and straightforward, to begin with. Although they'd established pretty quickly that their lust for each other was mutual, neither one of them had ever had sex with a man and they were both a little uneasy about it, and both adamant in their refusal to admit to their discomfiture. That had passed though; it wasn't long before Alex's desire for Chris far surpassed any nervousness he harboured about the realities of having sex with a man, and he found himself constantly fighting the urge to throw caution to the wind and make love to Chris the way he deserved.

From the way Chris looked at him, and reached for him when they were in bed, he knew Chris was in the same boat. In fact, Chris had probably got there first, and sometimes he looked like his pent up passion was driving him crazy. Alex longed to light the fuse and watch the frenzied sexual meltdown he knew would ensue. Every nerve in his body screamed at him to do it every time he and Chris shared a bed, every inch of him desperately urging him to give in and express his love physically, and let Chris do the same, but he didn't dare because he knew what would happen next. Deep down, Alex knew it wasn't real.

It didn't make any sense. It was one thing for a guy in his late twenties to discover his hitherto unknown homosexual desires. It happened. It was another for a guy in his late twenties to discover his hitherto unknown homosexual desires despite not having any particularly negative feelings about homosexuality. It happened less often, but it happened. But for two of them to do it, at the same time, with each other? What were the odds?

The way Alex saw it, there was only one explanation. It was probably real for one of them, but for the other it was just experimentation. He didn't doubt that they both believed they were genuine, but for one of them, it was a game they were lying to themselves about. Maybe it was something they would always have explored eventually, or maybe it was something that only took root in their head when their subconscious saw the love the other held for them, but either way, it wasn't real. If they had sex, one of them would come away from it knowing that this wasn't what they wanted after all. He didn't know which was worse - the thought that after all this he could break Chris' heart, or the thought of having to watch Chris walk away from him.

Alex knew which of those two outcomes he thought was more likely. Quite apart from the fact that he was so handsome and so incredibly well-built, Chris was confident, talented, decent, funny, and a lot more intelligent than he let on. When he considered himself next to Chris, Alex felt like he was just some skinny, long-haired twenty-year-old kid again, kicking people when they were down because their humiliation amused him and being pretentious about bad music. He didn't really have anything to offer Chris, other than a safe haven to explore himself.

He wasn't alone in his misgivings either. They'd never discussed it, and they probably never would, but Alex could see the lingering doubt in Chris' eyes. He wasn't the only one to pull away on nights like this, and he wasn't the only one to take moments when he thought he was unobserved to stare at the object of his affection and wonder how legitimate his perceived emotions were.

Alex straightened up, looking at his reflection in the mirror over the sink as he ran his hand through his hair. To his own overly critical eye, he looked old, something that annoyed him all the more given how juvenile he felt in comparison to Chris. He was clean-shaven for once, in an attempt to take a few years off his face, but even before he'd done it he'd known that no shave could take the weariness out of his expression.

He knew he was living a lie by pretending that this relationship was anything other than a sham, but he couldn't bring himself to let go, not yet. He loved Chris - or at least he felt like he did, he thought wryly - and he loved being involved with him. He loved the way Chris smiled at him, and the depth of feeling that swam in Chris' eyes when he held Alex's gaze, whether it was real or not. He loved being able to reach for Chris during the night, and the way Chris immediately arched into his touch when he awoke. He loved the things Chris never said, and when he said, "Okay," and it meant, "I love you."

Looking down, Alex sighed in resignation. His erection had only subsided very slightly while he'd been depressing himself. He could bring himself off before he went back to bed, but there wasn't much point. While it would temporarily sate his sexual need, it wouldn't do anything to ease his desire for Chris, and in a few hours he'd be back in the same situation. His best bet would be to go out there, hug Chris - _briefly_, very briefly - to reassure him that everything was good, and then turn his back and attempt to go to sleep... and hope Chris didn't decide to curl up behind him. Alex knew from experience how hard it was not to grind back into every insistent, seductive roll of Chris' hips. He closed his eyes in frustration as his cock swelled again at the thought.

He took a deep breath to settle himself before turning around and opening the door, but the sight he was met with pulled him up sharp. Chris was waiting for him right outside the door, his face intense and a flush still spread across his cheeks from the way they'd been tormenting each other before Alex had fled. His broad shoulders were illuminated by the light flooding out of the bathroom but much of him was bathed in Alex's shadow, and when Alex's eyes swept down his body, it took a moment for him to see through the darkness that Chris had abandoned his boxers.

Alex quickly looked up before his brain could take in too many details, curling his hands into fists in an attempt to resist the resurging desire to reach for Chris, but looking up at Chris' face didn't help. His lust was written all over it, and his eyes were full of need - not for a body to enjoy, not for a climax, but for Alex. Chris had reached his breaking point, his heated expression almost daring Alex to touch him, and Alex knew he wouldn't have been strong enough to reject him even if he'd tried.

Chris held Alex's gaze as he sank down to his knees, and Alex was all but mesmerised. A voice in his head was screaming at him to stop this before it was too late, but he felt helpless against the waves of raw, uncontrolled sexuality that seemed to roll off Chris with every tiny movement, and he supposed maybe it was for the best anyway. He'd always known this couldn't last forever.

Chris shot him a crooked, hungry smile as he tugged Alex's boxer-briefs down to his knees, and Alex's breath caught in his throat when Chris immediately leaned forward, pressing an open mouthed kiss to the base of Alex's shaft with a confidence that belied his lack of experience. Feeling suddenly unsteady, Alex moved to lean against the wall next to the bathroom door, and had barely found his footing when Chris was on him again, his lips tantalisingly soft against the head of Alex's cock while one of his hands splayed on Alex's thigh for balance.

Alex couldn't look away as Chris' mouth opened and descended around his shaft, a rush of fierce possessiveness flooding through him as he watched the greed in Chris' expression multiply. Chris was getting off on having Alex in his mouth, and it didn't matter that whatever had been between them was over because for these few brief minutes, Chris was his.

His hands locking on the back of Chris' head, Alex thrust forward with as much restraint as he could muster, and the knot of arousal in his groin tightened when Chris moaned around his cock. The vibration was delicious, but the sound of it... Alex's mind replayed it over and over as he pulled back, and he would have pushed in again if not for the fact that Chris beat him to it, sinking his lips down around Alex's cock as though he'd been dreaming of nothing else for months.

Alex let his head fall back against the wall, the sight of Chris sucking him off more than he could stand. He wasn't going to last long anyway, not with the way Chris was going - it wasn't even that the pace or the pressure Chris was exerting with his lips were perfect, it was because he was obviously deriving so much pleasure from doing it. Alex had imagined having his cock in Chris' mouth more times than he cared to remember, but he'd never dared to dream Chris could get off on it so much. His excitement building every time Chris took him in, Alex concentrated on keeping his legs from giving out while he let Chris worship him.

It took a little while for Alex to detect the slight movement of Chris' body, lost as he was in a sea of sensation. When he did finally notice it, he looked down again, and bit down painfully on his lip when he saw that Chris was masturbating relentlessly while he worked his mouth up and down Alex's shaft, and Alex was practically bowled over by a rush of desire. He wanted to turn Chris around and take him, watch him fall apart while Alex was inside him, but it was too late. Holding Chris' head still, Alex fucked his mouth while he came, grunting his relief, his climax made all the more intense by the fierce jubilation on Chris' face as he swallowed eagerly.

Alex had barely finished releasing when Chris pulled away and stood up, and he was still feeling dizzy as Chris urgently shoved him down to his knees. No sooner had Chris taken Alex's chin in his hand and turned his face to the side than the first jet of cum struck the lower half of Alex's cheek, the head of Chris' cock repeatedly brushing against it as Chris stroked out his orgasm, his long moan laced with pleasure and pride as he temporarily marked Alex as his own.

It seemed unfair, Alex thought as Chris rubbed the tip of his cock over Alex's cheekbone, smearing it with cum. The end of the road for them should have involved some long, steamy, epic sex session, not a rushed blowjob and facial up against a wall. There were so many things they hadn't done; he'd wanted so badly to feel Chris inside him, and now that chance was gone. He still had that deep yearning in the pit of his stomach - his love for Chris was as steadfast as ever. He wasn't surprised.

Chris ran his fingers through the cum on Alex's face and then pressed at his lips, and Alex obediently opened his mouth, accepting the semen Chris pushed into it without hesitation. He let his tongue work around Chris' fingers lovingly; he wished he'd had the chance to give Chris' cock the same treatment, but their loss of control had been so sudden and plunged forward so inexorably, he'd barely even been able to see it, let alone suck it.

Chris dropped onto one knee, and as he withdrew his fingers, he leaned forward to seal his lips over Alex's. His clean hand cupped the back of Alex's head, and when he slid his tongue into Alex's mouth, Alex could taste the flavour of his own cum mingling with Chris'. The kiss was gentle and tender, and Alex's chest tightened because he knew what Chris was saying to him. He didn't let it go on for long before he pulled away and sat down against the wall, letting his head fall back again and staring at the ceiling so he didn't have to look at Chris. He'd always hated long goodbyes.

Chris got to his feet and wandered into the bathroom, and a moment later Alex heard the water running in the sink as Chris washed his hands. He'd always known, in his heart, that Chris wasn't really in love with him. He wondered if the experience was what Chris had expected; whether it was less than he'd imagined or something he'd remember fondly. It didn't much matter now, Alex supposed.

The water stopped and Chris emerged from the bathroom, drying his hands on a small towel. Alex continued staring at the ceiling; he couldn't bear to look at Chris' face and see pity or regret.

"Are you planning to sit there all night, or are you coming back to bed?"

Alex blinked a couple of times, not sure if he'd misunderstood. He pushed his head away from the wall and forced himself to look at Chris, and found him grinning as he finished drying his hands. Once he was done, he threw the towel to Alex.

"Personally, I'm in favour of you coming back to bed. Might want to wash your face first though."

Alex stumbled to his feet, watching the muscles in Chris' thighs and ass shift and ripple as he clambered back into bed. When Chris patted the empty space next to him invitingly, Alex smiled.

"Okay."

No fuss, no melodrama.


End file.
